When I am out at community events, I bring the All Feelings are Welcome wheel and start asking kids about their favorite food as they spin the wheel.
The challenge is to tell me a story where they FEEL the selected emotion even with their favorite (imaginary) food right in front of them.
When they land upon sadness, disappointment or disgust, they often tell me that it's impossible ("Inconceivable!")- unless their food had just fallen on the floor.
Game on, kids.
"You know what we call that in my family?" I ask.
They look quizzically.
"Floor ____." (Pie, pizza, pasta, sushi...)
They laugh and shrug. And we keep playing.
And it's completely true. You see about 10 years ago my daughter and I were making ice cream pie for an event. We poured the mint chocolate chip ice cream filling into the pie shell, carefully stuck it in the freezer and waited. When it was time to get out, we gently moved it to the counter and layered on layer upon layer of whipped cream. Just then Caesar, our wiener dog with the biggest attitude ever, ran under our feet and a rogue hand (probably mine with grace like that) flipped the pie off the countertop.
The pie fell to the ground and landed... top down.
We were about to cry from disbelief and disappointment when my husband walked into the room and just exclaimed, "Floor Pie!"
We were stunned with the shift and suddenly started laughing.
We found a way to recover parts of the Floor Pie and did we ever enjoy it. It was amazing...and yes, Caesar and Max got the bits that were legitimately stuck to the floor. Punks.
"Don't cry over spilled milk." What are the other options?!? We tell kids this, but whenever we tell someone what to not do, ever notice how it makes them dig in more or makes them feel like you're not understanding what they're experiencing?
Well I am reminded of that today as I was fishing my leftover salad out of the fridge. I had brought the prized salad home from lunch yesterday and looked forward to it when it -- CRASH -- fell to the floor. I started feeling the anger, disappointment, frustration bubble to the surface. No one was thankfully around to tell me to not be angry (because I would have told them where to go!). And then I heard my husband's playful voice: "Floor Salad!"
My husband lives on the opposite side of the world from me right now. He's not here to actually say the words in person. But his humor, his reframing an accident into something funny is here and helping me right now.
I use these tools all the time to share with families about reframing and poking a bit of fun around our emotional experiences. It's not about poking fun at people by any stretch of the imagination. It's about inviting a bit of fun, humor, and play into our day-to-day.
Life is not an either-or (feeling good or bad, happy or sad, healthy or unhealthy) and when we play we explore the possibilities. Humor invites play, exploration and alternative possibilities. It goes hand-in-hand. This is why I use play to broach the "heavier" topics like diagnoses, emotions, mental health struggles.
I also acknowledge that there is no "I've learned it, we're good here." We are all practicing all the time. I still get angry, frustrated, disappointed - the full range of emotions - because I am human. Humans cry over spilled milk. There is no "higher level" or arriving at a place where things don't phase us. But they don't have to phase us so much. Being angry about Floor Salad... is understandable and a complete waste of my awesome energy and focus on this beautiful day. I'm grateful to have a little reminder that there is a another possibility.
We can practice this ourselves and model it for our kids. 'Cause we can't tell them what to do (they'll side-eye tell us where to go), but we can invite them to join us.
Want to learn more about playing to expand your family's emotional literacy and feel better from the inside out? Hop on a connection call with Wendy.
And check out the All Feelings are Welcome games - available now for home play! www.wendyschofermd.com/playemotions
Check out the Family in Focus with Wendy Schofer, MD Podcast!
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